Nailz!
In this time of global economic crisis and wars, with daily newspapers filled with doleful, distressing news reports coming in from all over the world, it was with delight I found and pounced on the barely noticeable news about Lee Redmond - nothing to be so happy about really, because she was involved in an accident. But it was nevertheless the tragicomical aspect that made it so interesting.
And so you are wondering: WHO is this Lee Redmond? No, no one has heard of her. No one probably remembers her accident. No one except those seriously interested in the Guinness World Records - and...yeah, ME!
The interesting thing about Ms Redmond of the US is that she has held the Guinness record for having the longest fingernails in the world; she has not cut her nails since 1979. In the Book of World Records I was illuminated with facts such as: total length of 86.5 cm; the longest nail is the right thumb: 90 cm; they are always carefully and perfectly manicured and so on and so forth...
But alas! for Ms Redmond this fantastic personal achievement was crushed in a crash. On 12th Feb 09 she was in a car accident....and even made it to one of our leading Swedish dailies! It however did not tell me anything else about the crash: Were there others involved? Was anyone killed? Who was driving? How did the accident happen? Was she hurt? Where did this happen? - Yes, as you can see, there are any number of questions when being told of a car accident. All I could gather was that she was in a car accident and .... read this... just read this.... "Redmond's nails were broken off during a car accident, when Redmond was ejected from the car. Redmond had been growing her nails since 1979! "
So I sincerely hope that this is the entirety of what has happened to Ms Redmond and any one else involved in the accident - nothing more.
Although I sympathise with her on her ‘recent loss', I cannot help but muse upon her nails...I wonder what got her to start growing her nails in the first place? She must have been in her twenties when she started...What dud her friends say about that? Does she have an album full of pictures of herself showing her nails? Why did she want to do just this? How did she get this idea? Was it a dare? Did her boyfriend/husband/partner thrill at her long nails and vow to help care for them?
I look at my nails just a few mm long (or short as in this case), cut straight, clean and manicured...I am thankful for their help in my ADL (Activities in Daily Life). It gets me to contemplate on various Redmond-ADL scenarios ...
Ms Redmond goes to a concert, she is moved by the beautiful tenor, her throat constricts as the music flows through her in waves, she claps her hand at the end of the song ...Does her clapping sound like the smattering of far away sub machine guns in Gaza as nails collide in unison. What do the people around her say? "Shhhh, don't make so much noise!"...?
How does she drive her car? And even before that, how does she open the door to get in? Oh, silly me, but of course I am sure she has a driver!
She visits friends in Montana. It has just snowed heavily. It is minus degrees and freezing, How does she wear gloves? Aaaah, silly old me again... she does not go to places colder than +25°C!
Does she ever write? CAN she write, if so, how does she type on the keyboard? Or hold a pen? How does she sign her cheques? How does she punch her code to take cash out of an ATM? How does she shake hands with people she meets? Oh never mind, that is easy, she just says Namaste and clashes her palms and nails together and extricates them from the tangle as she politely makes conversation as if that is the most normal thing to do....with a low voiced Oh-heck-I-hope-I-didna-bust-em.... in between.
Moving on... personal questions: Bath? Toilet visit....or ought we not to ponder over that??? Scrubbing her face? Anti wrinkle cream around her eyes, Almond Milk & Honey lotion? Drying herself with a towel? Brushing her teeth, her platinum blond hair? Bra strap? (Ok guys, you have no idea the kind of intricate hand and finger activities that go into it, but the women will know exactly what I mean). Buttons and zippers? How about stockings/tights? (Yep, a female question, that too!) Tights run ladders in them if one just about breathes too harshly while pulling them up.... How did she sleep? And if she had children in the early years, how did she manage to care for them without not clawing their soft skin or poking them in the eyes, I wonder.
How does she take an aspirin pill? Does it roll down her nails like a child on a slide? Is it actually possible to hold a hamburger? Or a knife and fork in an elegant-good-table-manners-way? How does she take a plate out of a stack on a shelf in the cupboard? Or hold a coffee cup? Did her life and people in it have to make several adjustments in order for her to continue holding this World Record? Is she able to pluck wild flowers on a forest walk in early spring like I do? Maybe she can, and comes up with tangled roots, moss, broken twigs et al... what do I know? Could she drain spaghetti from a saucepan into a colander? Chop onions and parsley? Dig in her garden? Take photos with a camera? Carry shopping bags? Open a Lindt chocolate bar wrapper (Not being able to do that would be a catastrophe for me) .
Yes, I could go on past these 1000 words or so...I am so fascinated by the whole phenomenon of this Lady with a Tremendous Talent for Titanic Talons....
I cannot begin to even comprehend the challenges this poor lady must have had and the seemingly insurmountable tiny problems in her ADL. How did she cope and manage? The more I reflect over her nails the more I begin to realise the paradox of it all. On one hand it seems almost heroic and adventurous to live in this way and at the same time ludicrous - to the point of being incomprehensibly daft and barmy.
No I haven't surfed on the Internet to glean more information about her accident or her nails or her present state of health post accident or her car or her family ... I am content to just get a 53 seconds respite from news of economic crisis, en masse redundancy, wars, homelessness, fires, starvation, murders, the thinning of the ozone layer, the melting icebergs.....and all the ills befalling our world and just sit by my computer - ruminating over the broken nails of a lady on the other side of The Atlantic.
It is kind of peaceful... I understand now the dovish look of cows in the pastures...
Signing off for now
CS
(Cresat Scientia/May knowledge grow)
